By Lauren Zitowsky
Each and everyday the cheers become a little louder. The smiles on your teens faces become a bit wider. As the countdown intensifies, confetti and balloons will be placed in your teens lockers only to be thrown out and blown up on the big day. Afterall, in what seems like a blink of an eye another school year quickly yet loudly comes to a close.
Soon, you will begin to stack their backpacks, books and binders in the closet and drop their report cards in their "box of memories". I ask that you refrain from slipping this report card into memory lane as memories are afterall a thing of the past. It is easier to learn from the past when these visuals are tangible in the present. It is best that you tack your teens report card to their bedroom wall. If you are thinking one word and that is huh, there is no need to rub your chin or scratch your head as I will explain.
Let's say your 13 year old daughter got a lower than expected grade in gym class. From the moment your daughter could speak, she yammered on and on about being a professional tennis player. Aftering receiving a big fat F on her report card, the tears began to trickle as her self esteem washed alway in the tears. F is for failure she tells her mom and in her mind she is just that. She allowed this grade to define her. Her passion was lost and she no longer spoke about becoming a professional tennis player. In life it is so easy to quit. Whatever we do, we do to avoid pain or gain pleasure. When you quit something, you do so because you associate more pleasure with giving it up than working for it. In life, super stars aren't selected because they are the most talented. They are selected because they won't give up. In the words of Justin Beiber, "Never Say Never". Did he ever?
Will posting your child's report card on their wall make them a super star. I guarantee it will.
The writing on the wall is as so. Your child is a teen. They don't know the way of the world and as their gym teacher brought them down it is your job to bring them up! They must realize that they can have, do, be whatever their heart desires as long as they are on a healthy path to getting there. As parents in the above example, we get them there by discussing the teen's feelings towards the grade. The grade itself doesn't matter as that door has been closed. It is the key to their feeling we are after so we must do everything in our power to make sure this door remains open. If it doesn't, your child along with their feelings will get lost in the serve.
Good questions to ask are as follows: How did you feel when you received this grade? How could you avoid feeling this way in the future? Why are you choosing to feel this way? Afterall, you're getting something out of the feelings you choose to emerse yourself in.
Now it is time to ask those empowering questions that will motivate your teen to pick up that racket once again. What will it take to get you to want to hop on the tennis courts this summer? How will you feel when you are playing in the US Open?
By moving your teen forward from this experience, they are able to see past it. They are no longer frustrated as they look at the report card tacked to their bedroom wall. Each and everyday when they wake up and see it, it reminds them that they need work in improving their craft. They have the Summer to do just that. The report card no longer defines them but motivates them to swing harder, wiser and faster.
A dream will always be a dream. You can supress it all you like but years down the road you will always come back and say I wonder if I could have made it. What if I didn't give up? The only question to ask yourself now is why would I have ever thought of giving up on my dreams!
Lauren Zitowsky is a certified Teen Life Coach and Energy Leader Index Master Practitioner. In her practice at Teen Life Coach Inc., she helps your teen tackle issues relating to body image, relationships, divorce, heartache, school and peer pressure. Basically, she gets them through the tough times*
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